Ladies and Gentlemen, I Like Boys
by Anidori-Kiladra
Summary: An April Fools' joke gone awry. Sirius/Remus slash.


Ladies and Gentlemen, I Like Boys

When Sirius Black stood up on the Gryffindor table that morning, no one thought too much of it. He and James were always doing things like that. So he had to clear his throat several times while accidentally grinding his heels into the platter of scrambled eggs, and finally had to shout "Oi!" very loudly before anyone started paying attention.

"Padfoot, mate, what are you doing?" James asked from somewhere below, but Sirius had no time to reassure him of his plan's brilliance before he put it into effect.

And it really was brilliant, Sirius congratulated himself. He wasn't sure how he'd ever thought of it. The best April Fools' Day joke in the world.

"Ladies and gentlemen of Hogwarts!" Sirius shouted. "I find it my fortunate duty to inform you that I have discovered something rather serious about myself." He paused, and when no one laughed at his incredibly witty pun (well, most of the school was rather dim; he supposed he couldn't blame them), continued. "I realize that this will disappoint some of you while it elates others, but it matters not, for ladies and gentlemen, the true matter of it all is that I like boys." He waited for the gasps. They didn't come. "Erm, thank you." He sat.

James tugged at his sleeve. "What the bloody hell did you do that for?" he asked.

"April Fools, Jamesy! Isn't it the most fantastic thing ever?"

Remus, who had been gazing abstractly into his lap, looked up and over at him sharply. "What do you mean, April Fools?"  
"It was all a joke, d'you see?" Sirius hastened to explain the magnificence of the joke, as his friends had obviously joined the ranks of the dim ones at this school. "See, I just made everyone think I like blokes, so then when I tell them that I don't actually, all the girls will be so relieved that they'll be lining up to snog me. Completely brilliant!"

Remus quickly pushed out the bench and left the table. James stared after him in consternation. Peter leaned over from Sirius's other side, swallowed his mouthful of bacon, and said, "That was a bit stupid of you, Padfoot."

Sirius scoffed at him. However, as the day went on, he began to realize how very right Peter had been.

"I always suspected," Lily Evans said, laying a kind hand on his shoulder.

"What?" Sirius spluttered. "But I—"

Lily was nudged out of the way by Fabian Prewitt, who handed Sirius an embossed card with the letters GWA on it.

"What's all this?" he asked, bewildered.

"It's the Gay Wizarding Alliance," Fabian explained. "We meet every Tuesday in the back corner of the library to discuss the struggle of our people.

"Our people?" Sirius could hear his voice becoming high and squeaky, but he didn't know how to stop it. "No, you don't understand."

But Fabian had already moved away, to be replaced by Snape, who, to Sirius's great and resounding horror, gave him a nod before continuing down the hallway.

That was it. It was all too much to be borne. Sirius ran, dodging people, most of whom offered their support and encouragement, until he had reached the Owlery.

It wasn't supposed to be like this at all. Where were the girls sobbing for lack of Sirius Black lovin'? Where were the shocked looks and whispers of "But he's so manly. How…?" People didn't seem surprised or disappointed at all.

Sirius flung himself down on the floor, accidentally sitting in a pile of owl pellets, but he was too distracted to care. It was clear that he would have to move up Stage Two of the plan, would have to tell everyone that he liked girls right now, before anything else happened. He had just stood up when the door to the Owlery banged open.

Remus stood there, breathing heavily, hands on his knees, and Sirius felt that it would only be polite to hear what he had to say before rushing downstairs to restore the natural order of things.

"Snape said-you'd gone this way," Remus panted. "I," he paused for another breath. "I,"

"What's it, Moony? I'm in rather a hurry, you see, and—"

He stopped when Remus took two steps toward him and wrapped his fingers loosely around Sirius's wrist. His fingers were cool and dry and it was distracting, so Sirius wasn't really paying attention until Remus said.

"Because everyone's saying-but you said, so what I was really wondering is do you or don't you?"

Sirius swallowed around the pulse that had not been beating so ferociously in his throat a few minutes before and croaked out, "Do I what?"

Remus looked at him uncomprehendingly. "Are you even listening to a word I say? Do you like boys or don't you?"  
Up until two minutes ago, Sirius would have said no. He had been prepared to go shout it from the tabletops. But now, with his heartbeat still thick in the back of his mouth and Remus's fingers now sliding idly up and down his wrist, he wasn't so sure.

"I—" Remus had now reached out his other hand and was stroking Sirius's earlobe, and God, when had he learned how to do that? And why did it feel so good? "Yes. No. I don't—"

Then Remus's mouth was there and pressing against his and there was a feeling shooting through his stomach that half made him want to squirm away and half wanted him to press closer to Remus, to eliminate all space between their bodies and he'd forgotten to close his eyes, so Remus's eyebrows and forehead were fuzzy and out of focus, and Sirius forgot all about the plan and Stage Two and all the girls downstairs no doubt pining for him even now.

"Yes."

When Sirius and Remus entered the Great Hall tentatively holding hands, Sirius's eyes darted all around, taking in those already seated. Fabian gave him the thumbs up and waved his silly GWA card in their direction. Snape was thankfully engrossed in conversation with Avery and Nott at the Slytherin table. Sirius wasn't sure if he could go through that again. Lily nodded sagely from her spot at the end of the Gryffindor table, a few seats away from James and Peter, who were whispering, their heads together.

After a nudge from Remus, Sirius reluctantly sat across from them. They both stared at him.

"Well?" he asked, a bit disturbed to hear the plaintive note in his voice.

"I tried to stop you," James said, grinning ruefully.

"Told you it was a rubbish joke," Peter put in.

"See, there I disagree," Remus whispered, kissing Sirius right below the ear. "Best joke ever."

xXx

A/N: I never thought I'd write a Marauder fic, much less a Remus/Sirius one. So what do you think? Is this something I should do more often or something I should never do again?


End file.
